Hiya!
Along with the rest of the country, I watched Louis Theroux’s documentary and it was deeply troubling, although not surprising because of the work we’ve done in this area. It echoed conversations we have been having for some time, including at last year’s Masculinity in the Workplace event with Josh Sargent, about what young men are hearing and what is shaping their sense of identity.
What struck me most was not just the content and the unlikeability of the men being interviewed, but the system behind it. It is a highly effective ecosystem where attention is the currency. Likes, follows and engagement are not just signals of approval, they are the product. The main characters are creating content that is shaped to travel, and the more it provokes, the more visible it becomes.
What many of these creators understand very well is that insecurity is a powerful entry point. The content often starts somewhere real, for example loneliness, rejection, a lack of direction or feeling overlooked. These are real struggles - not manufactured problems. But instead of helping someone make sense of that experience, it quickly reframes it in ways that are dangerous. Pain becomes blame and complexity becomes certainty. Whilst belonging is offered, it is on very specific (and usually monetary) terms.
These men are attempting to define what masculinity is. For them, it is something to perform, measure and prove, often through visibility, status or control. We can critique the reframing but it doesn’t take away the fact that the need is very real.
This morning I saw Caroline Keylock’s response on LinkedIn and she asked, ‘where are the positive stories about men?’. The question is not just what we push back against. It is what we offer instead. Immediately after hearing her provocation, I came across Ben West’s story in The Times (this article is behind a paywall so also sharing a BBC article here). In January, Ben West (25, who has lost his brother to suicide) helped launch a suicide prevention project called Reasons to Stay. The premise is simple - people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts can visit the website and read letters from strangers. The messages are of care, encouragement and understanding. They remind the reader that their presence matters, that they do not have to be strong, and that other people have been in similar places.
My hypothesis is that (because we’re wired to perceive threat) damaging content spreads faster than hopeful content. However, the response to this hopeful project has been extraordinary. Within the first month, tens of thousands of letters were submitted and read over two million times around the world. Ben has already received messages from people who say it stopped them from acting on suicidal thoughts. One person said it was the difference between calling an ambulance or not.
It is easy to overlook something like this because it is quiet but what it offers is something the attention economy rarely does. It offers care, connection and hope without outrage. Where one system amplifies insecurity, this one interrupts it offering connection instead.
I said earlier this year, if we are serious about culture, whether in organisations or in society, we need to pay attention not just to what we challenge, but to what we amplify. Culture is shaped by what is visible, repeated and rewarded.
Young men are not short of content. They are short of stories that help them feel seen, valued and connected in ways that do not require them to perform or harden.
We cannot outplay the algorithms at their own game. They will continue to reward speed, reaction and intensity. But that is not the only game being played. As humans, we get to choose what we notice, what we share and what we repeat. We can choose to create moments of connection, to tell fuller stories and to make visible what is often kept quiet. Today I’ve chosen to share the name and story of Ben West over any of those ‘influencers’ interviewed by Louis Theroux. Over time, that is what shapes culture.
One of the ways we create those moments is through our yearly MIW event, held on International Men’s Day, with Token Man - in its 10th year this year! We’re looking for organisations to help shape this year’s theme. If you’d like to get involved, send us an email.
Rox x