Hello!
One of the themes* this International Women’s Day is ‘Give to Gain’, a phrase that speaks to collaboration and shared success.
And yet, as I’ve sat with the theme over the past few weeks, I’ve found myself questioning the uneven and often invisible side of generosity.
Who is being asked to give?
What does that giving look like day to day?
And perhaps most importantly, what does it cost?
When Giving Becomes Default
My relationship with generosity shifted when I became a mum. I noticed how instinctively I prioritised everyone else before myself. At home and at work, it felt natural to meet other people’s needs first.
Even now, boundaries don’t come easily. I still catch myself stretching a little further because disappointing someone feels harder than overextending myself. I know I’m not alone in that experience, and I see versions of it in many of the leaders I work with.
The Uneven Weight of Emotional Labour
Generosity does not land evenly across organisations. Gender shapes expectations, but it is never the only factor. Race, culture, seniority, disability and lived experience all influence who is asked to carry relational work or emotional labour.
Some people are expected to represent, educate or translate across difference while also proving their credibility. Others are quietly relied upon to regulate the emotional temperature of a team. Because these patterns are subtle, they are rarely named.
The Leadership Double Bind
Modern workplaces tend to reward what looks like endless capacity. The person who steps in, keeps things moving or makes collaboration feel effortless appears dependable and committed. Over time, giving more can become a strategy for belonging.
Yet the cost shows up in quieter ways. Strategic thinking gets squeezed by constant responsiveness. Authority becomes harder to claim because collaborative behaviours are praised, while decisiveness is still treated as the signal of leadership.
Many women recognise the double bind: be caring and risk being seen as soft; be direct and risk being seen as difficult. The very qualities that strengthen culture can quietly limit how leadership potential is perceived.
Boundaries, Integrity and Conscious Giving
It would be easy to respond by encouraging women to simply give less or set stronger boundaries. But that advice feels incomplete.
Brené Brown’s idea of Living BIG offers a more integrated way to think about it. In her work, generosity means extending the most generous interpretation possible to others’ intentions. We cannot do that without boundaries and integrity.
Applied here, boundaries bring clarity about what is and isn’t ours to carry. Integrity invites us to act in alignment with our values rather than performing helpfulness to stay safe. When those three sit together, giving becomes conscious rather than automatic.
Why This Matters Now
As conversations about AI and the future of work accelerate, I return to this idea often. We talk about efficiency and innovation, yet the skills that make us deeply human are becoming more visible, not less.
Empathy, connection and the ability to hold complexity are no longer side notes to leadership. They are central to it. The question is whether we are ready to recognise relational work as leadership rather than quietly relying on it in the background.
From Expectation to Choice
There is also a collective responsibility here. Leaders of all genders shape what gets valued. Naming invisible contributions, sharing emotional labour more intentionally and backing colleagues when they hold boundaries are small but powerful cultural signals.
When organisations reward integrity as much as availability, generosity shifts from expectation to choice.
So perhaps this International Women’s Day is not an invitation to give more. Perhaps, for women, it is an invitation to give more consciously. And within the wider system, perhaps it is an invitation to notice who carries the invisible load and to widen our understanding of leadership so that care and authority can finally sit in the same place.
As work continues to change, the question is not whether generosity belongs in leadership. It is whether we finally learn to recognise the people who have been holding it together all along.
Rox x
*The UN theme this year is “Rights. Justice. Action.”